newnoise1 gets clueless on soccer

Soccer fever . . . tips from the clueless to the clueless

Even if you don’t know your soccer ball from your rugby ball there is still a remote chance that you to can make a rand or two by writing about upcoming soccer events.

I say remote and advise you to first read carefully through FIFA's guidelines on do's and don’ts before investing your nest egg in any brilliant ideas you may have. Be warned, most ideas will not work if you don't have a number of trade mark attorneys or advisors at your beck and call.

I'm not taking any chances. For instance, I had a wonderful idea. I was reflecting on how soccer players are fit, compact muscled machines, good looking and passionate. Why not have a competition where readers can vote to select the ten best looking players in the world? At least those players who don’t score a goal will get recognition for being gorgeous and I would have done my bit for the beautiful game. Now, after reading the do's and don'ts, I'm really not sure that this is legal.

One area that I think it will be legal to write about is what is meant by the term ‘offside’ in soccer. Only those in the very inner circle know what the expression means. You can find out and enlighten millions of men and women across the globe who would like to use the expression in a sentence but feel a bit offside when they do. Start your research soon, the most important soccer event of the decade is taking place from 11 June to 11 July 2010, in South Africa. I will, in the meantime, get more clarity on what is allowed and not allowed with regard to copyright.

What else? The most important rule in soccer is that you should try not to touch the ball with your hands. The second most important rule is to not accidentally land up in front of fanatic fans or a player who has just scored a goal. This could at best change your life forever in a hundred painful ways and at worst kill you.

I am not sure if I'm aloud to provide a link to the official site. It's not difficult to find. You can also search for their Guidelines document.

One of the host cities, Tshwane, gets a link it's my hometown:

http://www.tshwanetourism.co.za/

Gordon institute of business:

http://www.gibs.co.za/home.asp?PID=51331&ToolID=2&ItemID=63243

Department of Trade and Industry

http://www.sa2010.gov.za/en/opportunities-2010-0

Here are some reading suggestions on soccer:

I will have to get back to you on this . . . anybody got any suggestions? A true, dramatic story on soccer would be preferable, let's allow the clueless to ease into it.

newnoise1 on frugality

Is frugal a four letter word?

Five years ago I knew a thing or two about money. One was you had to work to get it if you liked to sleep at night and two was that you need money to pay for stuff. Little did I know . . .

Everything changed when I was forced, no not at gunpoint but it felt like it at the time, to do research about a subject I found vaguely disgusting - money. I had to read a considerable number (okay hundreds) of articles about how much money you have to save to retire without hoping you die soon.

It took me about two weeks of reading to become hysterical. Overnight I became one of the most obsessed money researches in town, pouring over the business sections, my hands clasped together in panic. I freely admit I spoke to strangers in fast food franchises to help me calm down. I am embarrassed to admit how much my need to talk about money scared them off.

Eventually, I considered buying some shares as it seemed many people thought this a good idea. Like newsreaders for example. I envied them the confidence to let money-words roll off their lips like some exotic language. The thing is I knew millions of people listened to that language but I never dreamed anybody in their right mind took it seriously. Headline earnings per share . . . I repeated the words like mantras too open the windows to wealth. Headline earnings per share. This is an amazing concept. It means . . . well it's nearly like price earnings per share just different.

The broker was silent for a long time when I called and asked if R5 000 would be enough to buy some shares. Hearing his sophisticated snigger I could see myself sitting, a little old lady on my little rocking chair staring into the distance sharing my wild memories of the sweet café lattes of twenty years ago with my cat. Of course I won't be able to afford a cat. I will rock and rock waiting for students from an outreach program to bring me an extra blanket in winter. I called a financial adviser to hear more about pension plans and unit trusts and indexes and took an aspirin.

Once upon a time the word 'budget' could put me to sleep faster than the word 'staff meeting' now that word kept me awake into the early morning hours. As the Reserve Bank increased the interest rates, I kept the lights burning trying to figure out how to beat the bank. I listened to Pink Floyd singing about money being a crime and considered that despite their music being quite depressing in this instance they had a point.

In my quest the word got around that I was seriously researching the subject of money and a friend bought me the Wall Street DVD. I watched it like a documentary and at some point just after the son gets arrested, his Father advises, "Rather start doing something creative with your life than making money from what people are buying."

The man had a point I thought. On the other hand how am I supposed to do something creative if my financial advisor is convinced I have to save just about my entire salary every month to survive my retirement? I thought he was joking but the flinty look in his eyes confirmed his utter lack of humor. I stopped crying and laughing intermediately and started saving . . .more . . .

To conclude, as I read in one of the thousand blogs on frugal living - frugal, frugal, frugal . . even if it sounds like a four letter word it's still the way to get what you really want tomorrow by doing something about it today . . . as far as I can see.

Money reads that inspire

The Millionaire next Door
The Richest man in Babylon
The Power of Positive Thinking
Rich Dad, Poor Dad
The Fountainhead

If you want to read more about the money subject I can recommend Joshua Kennon's inserts at About.com.

My snarky day so far

I am 40-something with a number of responsibilities that include not jumping off a cliff on the spur of the moment. To get me to laugh out loud twice in less than 10 minutes is quite an achievement. That's why I have added Miss Snark to my links list even if the blog is only open for viewing and closed for contributions.

In her blog, Miss Snark, a book agent, gives acidic editing advice to sometimes clever, more often clueless questions from what she has named her "snarklings".

No surprise then that you will find a category headed: "Miss Snark sets her hair on fire". If you have ever edited documents where the same mistakes are repeated over and over, you will feel like an alma mater of Miss Snark and pass her the blow torch. If you are a writer you will find a treasury of information on what to do too drive editors and agents nuts.

While I am sad that Miss Snark's blog is now closed it is also a relief. At least I will not be tempted to send her a book proposal in the early morning hours after a bottle of wine or five.

Miss Snark gets the newnoise badge of the week.

Further on my snarky day, I am rereading Alice in Wonderland for my intended plan to identify newnoise in books. I am a bit stuck with progress on Alice as I've also just picked up a copy of Deliverance by James Dickey and it's quite a promising start. Also I have been reading for 4 hours straight about blogging and so forth.

My list of 100 books that make newnoise

I have an ambitious plan. The plan involves listing 100 books that I have read more than three times and that I feel contains newnoise. I wil then do a short analysis on why I think the book makes it to my newnoise list. I am not looking at the date the book was printed, a book that was written 2 000 years ago can have more newnoise than a book printed yesterday.

I'm sure I can learn something through doing this and I hope that this micro-analysis will inspire you to find your voice. My first submission will be Alice in Wonderland.

Ten ideas for stories and free editing

Here are some ideas for your to write about. Send your story (500 words) to edmuse22@gmail.com and I will edit it and send you my opinion. The 10 best stories will be published on my blog.

1. A man comes home and finds he has been burglarized.

2. A woman's purse is stolen.

3. A child fails his year at school.

4. A mother remembers her youth.

5. A woman decides she wants to be rich.

6. Her first day at school.

7. His first day at work.

8. A man has a problem that he solves.

9. Six characters you invented.

10. An achievement.

Things to write about

Everyday brings dozens of ideas to write about.

• You can write about your day. Was it colourful, drab or nasty. My day was colourful. I was in the thick of things watching two thousand people marching through the streets of Pretoria, on strike for wage increases.
• Did you learn anything new? I learned that my computer has a cd writer. This was amazing after months of begging people to write things on cd for me.
• Listen to old people talk. They have many a story about what happened when Steven wanted to marry Lucy but Lucy was more into Jim and then poor Jim died.
• Listen to children.
• Read the papers for some good ideas. I saw a poster on a lamppost this morning: Neighbour stole my toilet! The mind boggles.
• Remember your childhood and the things you got up to. Write about the colourful characters. If they weren't colourful, make them colourful! Think again of the people and see them now through the eyes of a grown up - do you realise things about them now that you didn't realise then?
• Bonzai, birthdays, beaches, ballrooms, billiards, bedrooms, bicycles. Free associate.
• Draw up a chart and write something new about each character every now and then until it feels as if you know them and they actually exist.
• Smell things.
• Write about the future, how you think things will be like two hundred years from now.

Find your voice!